Acceptance and fantasies

I guess it's because my life had always been considered as plain-sailing, all-achieving, blessed and some say "glamourous" ( I beg to differ). I'm not going to deny that some of this is indeed somewhat true. But at the same time, there had been so many a times I went along with the flow, not knowing what I wanted, and somehow, with lots of blessing, did OKAY and relatively well in the very end.

Everything I hoped for and wanted since I was a kid, I got. Be it the grades, the school I wanted to go to, the Uni I attended, living in London, the handbags (well - most of them but I guess the more the merrier), the shoes (see before), the travel (S: when is the Paris foodies trip?) and everything most people can only dream to have.

BUT WHY AM I STILL LOST AND CONFUSED?

Is it because I expect too much of myself, I try to conform to social norms, there are expectations(real and imagined) I believe I have to live up to?

Or has it come to a time of self-realisation that maybe, just sometimes, when things do not go the way that seems right or are not plain-sailing for me, when uncertainty creates fear, that this is all normal and part of life? AND GROWING UP?

I feel pressurised to make the "right" decision: WHAT DO I WANT? What is the life I really want to lead? To be happy? To be right?

Definitions of happiness and rightness change as we proceed on in life. Sometimes we are motivated by money, sometimes we're motivated by love. Or none at all! (that's status quo for me as I write/blog I meant).
That's the one that often coined as the mind and the body?
Sadly, reality rules it bites and it hurts.
Living in a time warp is safe and comforting; facing reality and the brutal society is harsh and painful. Do you keep a constant balance of both or do you slip in and out of these two states all at one go?

I think that's the question that needs to be answered.
Still lost and confused....