Bothered and bewildered...

When you try to let down that social veil, you become truly vulnerable. As much as we would all like to protect ourselves, there comes a time when you just have to be what you are.
If you're just very weepy you cry. If you like someone you tell them (or is it so simple?). But sometimes you cannot seem to take that step forward.

Pushing boundaries are hard - extremely hard. Especially if it means it's not rational, it does not make any sense, there are complications to all of it. (are you feeling lonely or are you truly missing someone? 8+ time differences, here/there/nowhere)
As you grow older, you're meant to make responsible judgements, actions, say things you know are right (most of the time what you don't mean) and all that things that are associated with growing up.

Why are there such choices to make?

I was told to live for the moment. I find that incredibly difficult. Live for the moment is a very new and scary concept to me. It represents no security, uncertainty, fear and carelessness. Many things that do not define me. Am I losing my identity as a person as I take this time out to think through my options? What opportunities has this brought to me so far?
New friends, new relationships, new lifestyle?

I hope my trip to Paris tomorrow will help to clear this truly messed up mind of mine I have right now. Some perception, new discoveries ... yet, at the same time, I'm silently hoping for THAT miracle to happen. To be swept off the feet, to be surprised!

What are the chances? We live in such a predictable world today. Everyone is guarded, calculated and selfish.